Sad, sad news Brew Krew disciples and all ye that hanker for harmonious bedlam played by nattily-attired chaps of uncertain age. Yes, you haven’t misread the headline above and for once it’s not your Uncle Denzil getting into the turbocharged Tizer and loopy pills again… though that may well come later.
Alas no. In a tersely worded statement issued from the Press Department of The Boston Brew Organisation (I didn’t know we had one, either) at 0700 today (9 May) reads thusly:
“Having rocked the blimmin’ arse off of South London and environs for three and half, maybe four, years (we were drunk when we started), The Boston Brew have decided to call time on their sonic shenanigans for the present, if not, indeed, the permanent. The forthcoming show at The Cherry Trees, South Norwood, London SE25 on Saturday 30 May will, therefore, be the final show for the band in its current form. We would urge all Brew Krew to move heaven, earth and their bowels to attend, so we can stage one last bacchanalian blast for all who have supported us so rabidly over the years, despite everything. In closing, the band would like to stress this decision has been reached amicably after discussion between all parties and should you see any of them sporting severe bruising this is entirely coincidental. Message ends.”
Don’t know about you, but it threw Denzil for a loop – especially as he was passed out drunk on the office desk when the missive came through, meaning he awoke to find a fax seemingly emerging from his underpants. Anyway, it all checks out, guys, and all the cajoling, threats and offers of bribes on the part of their management (i.e. Del Rio Promotions) seem unable to sway them.
If I’m honest – not a state to which I subscribe as a rule, being a music promoter – this is possibly all my fault. My various other business interests – notably a 51% stake in a chain of knocking shops gentlemen’s entertainment complexes in the former Eastern Bloc – have meant Denzil hasn’t been able to take as strong an interest in the artistic and spiritual growth of The Boston Brew as maybe he should have. Such neglect can be dangerous, as I mentioned before, as indolence engenders curiosity in even the densest of musicians, causing them to consider vistas anew beyond the relentless rock ‘n’ roll treadmill on which they rightly should be toiling 24/7.
However, what makes it especially dangerous is that suddenly Denzil sees his finely-chiselled 35% cut of the combo’s earnings sprout wings and flit out of the window. And that’s not good for rock ‘n’ roll, for the fans, for the management, and – more pressing – for my business partner Zlatko, who was counting on a successful Brew summer/autumn tour to install a whirlpool jacuzzi in our flagship establishment in Zalaegerszeg.
So, with the basic functionality of Denzil’s kneecaps suddenly becoming a burning issue, he urges, nay begs, all you that love/adore/are owed money by The Boston Brew to be there at The Cherry Trees, Station Road, South Norwood SE25 on SATURDAY 30 MAY from 7.30 onwards for what could well be your LAST EVER CHANCE to jump around like a loon to one of the rockingest combos to ever plug into a socket. They’ve pledged to make it a memorable night as they intend to take their leave in supremely uproarious style. And if you happen to spot a large shaven-headed chap of Slavic aspect who looks like he might have a baseball bat down his trousers, you didn’t see Denzil, right?